Diet Pepsi Tastes Like Robot Sweat

In high school, for some reason I can no longer remember, Coca-Cola became an obsession of two or three of my friends. They refused any and all Pepsi products in favor of Coke and started a borderline pathological collection of bottles and cans from around the world. Somehow Coke was It for Eric, Kent, Dave, and John. They’d rather drink their own Coca-Cola enriched urine than Pepsi.

I don’t know how or why but, since they were my friends and I was (and remain) a Gemini out to please, I pledged my loyalty to the red and white. Thus it ever was and thus it has remained.

I don’t t drink a lot of soda (or “pop” now that I’m in the Midwest) but when I do, it’s probably going to be Mountain Dew. I discovered caffeine when I became a father and Dew has saved my life on many a long afternoon when having yet another cup of tea (I average about five a day) was unthinkable.

Mountain Dew is good and good for you. It’s green, it glows, it has sugar and caffeine and a pleasant (albeit unidentifieable) citrus-y flavor. How could you resist? That it’s a borderline Pepsi product has been my secret shame for years. I feel guilty, betraying my friends in this way . . . but I need the green now, just every once in a while.

My only other addiction (at least, that I’m willing to mention here) is music. Specifically, my iPod. I have done a fair job avoiding the iTunes trap for the most part — it’s so cheap and easy to get music that I could blow my comic book and beer money every month if I wasn’t careful.

Now Pepsi and Apple have joined forces and iTunes is calling, louder than ever. And that low, seductive whisper hiding under the backbeat?

It’s Pepsi . . . and it’s calling my name.

I’m holding steady for now. I don’t particularly care for the taste of cola in any form and, bafflingly, Pepsi ignored the obvious techno-geek connection and neglected to include Mountain Dew in their promotional gimmick with Apple.

As I said, I’m holding steady, I’m staying faithful and firm.

I remain undiluted by the evil . . . for now.