In a nutshell, naming your son Kal-El is pasting a “Kick My Ass” sign on his chest every day before he leaves for school.

In fact, I’m naming my next child Kryptonite so she can kick Nicholas Cage’s kid’s ass. In fact, I hope I have twins and then I can name the other one Lex. Maybe even cojoined twins, to increase his shame.

Getting my ass kicked every day by cojoined twin girls named after my namesake’s arch enemies?

Thanks dad…