(a few days behind, writing out my entries in longhand and posting them whenever I have the free moment to wait through the interminably slow dial up connection….)

Wednesday Mourning

No Chinatown today and I’m bitterly disappointed.

Sitting by the pool right now, watching The Young Darkness wrestle with cousins and uncles while Julia plays alone in the shallow end, perfectly content to dive for little toys and shout out “Dad, watch this…” every so often.

Finished up a second poem, using one of my remaining words. This one’s about my mother’s funeral (no, she’s not dead yet…)

Karaoke tonight. Debating whether I should go with Brittney Spears or Chris Isaak. I hope they’ll have “Sexuality” by Billy Bragg, but that’s a hollow dream and I know I’m kidding myself.

Knock Knock Joke

Stayed up late last night (Monday) drinking whiskey with my brothers and getting their various opinions on the chaos that I call a life. Went to bed sober and depressed at four o’clock in the morning, fitful dreams…

Up at nine for a complimentary continental breakfast, family bickering, and hungover brothers (fucking lightweights).

Then we’re off for a trip over to Class 5 — a local rock climbing place, lots of fake walks with little multicolored hand and footholds. My niece is something of an enthusiast and so all the kids try it out.

An important discovery: The Young Darkness has a natural talent for climbing. Once he gets hooked up, it takes him about three minutes to scale a forty-five foot wall. I watch, silent as he negotiates his was with a confidence I’ve never seen before. He rappels down and looks at us completely unaware that he’s just done something amazing. I make a mental note to looks for a place in Grand Rapids — his birthday’s coming up.

Lunch and then an afternoon watching the kids by the pool (black t-shirt, boots, and jeans thank you very much) I try to write while everyone drifts off to play basketball and shop. I look up to realize that I’m the lone supervision for any number of children that I do not have genetic responsibility for. My kids are nowhere to be seen.

Another night spent in the general lunacy of my extended family, arguing trivia and reciting the new family knock knock joke (“Knock Knock” – “Who’s there?” – “Go to Hell, Grandfather.”)

Another night with my brothers and cousins. I go to bed very sad and unhappy.

Tomorrow morning, we’re heading out to San Francisco. Maybe I can give everyone the slip and wander around Chinatown with the Darkness, looking for gods and ghosts.