Thirty-Four

Today’s my birthday and as much as I’d like to, I just can seem to hold onto thirty-three like I’d planned. I tried, I honestly did, but I got up this morning and it was just . . . gone. Don’t know where it went.

If anyone finds it, let me know.

Now, let’s see what the various oracles and lunatics are saying on this my special day…

Here’s my horoscope from My Yahoo:

“Like a game of chess, you may need to think through your next move quite carefully, dear Gemini. It could be that your opponent is taking a long time to make his or her next move, and you are impatient. And as a result, you may make your decision rather hastily. Feel free to take as much time as you need. Your opponent may be thinking two or three moves ahead of you already, so be sure to concentrate.”

Yeah. That’s very helpful. It’d be even more helpful if I knew who my opponent was.

Are these the same people advising Alan Greenspan on interest rates?

And if you’re into Runes:

“Ken is the rune of light and knowledge, driving away darkness and ignorance and revealing hidden truth. This rune also brings forth images of friendship and comfort. Ken is the light of inspiration, the light of imagination, and a beacon in the darkest hours. ”

I knew a guy named Ken once. He was pretty funny, but I don’t know that I’d call him a beacon in my darkest hours. He did have a really cool car, though — a 1961 Lincoln just like the one that JFK rode in through Dealey Plaza in 1962. That was a cool car.

And now for the Tarot Cards:

“The Star : New hopes and splendid revelations of the future. Insight, inspiration, courage and enlightenment of the spiritual self. Body and mind and converging towards the light at the end of a dark time.”

Man, maybe I should call Ken.

Wonder if he plays chess?

The Worthless Word for the Day is Nulliverse, meaning “a world devoid of any unifying principle or plan” (from L. nulli-, nullus – no, in contrast to “universe”).

Which is pretty discouraging.

And, to top it all off, here’s today’s Oblique Strategy:

“Left channel, right channel, center channel.”

Riiiight.

So . . . what have we learned today?

– It’s dark right now.

– It’ll get lighter soon.

– Ken has a cool car.

– Nulli means “no” in Latin.

– The Oblique Strategies are worthless.

Sigh.